Last night I notice my binder was a bit damp underneath, and it was clear the incision had opened up a bit. There was no pain, so I figured the glue had come off; I stuffed some gauze under there as the doctor told me to do if I noticed anything like that. When I woke up this morning, the gauze was soaked through, but I thought a shower and re-gauzing/binding might help. Well, I just went to the bathroom only to notice the gauze was again soaked through. I went to the full length mirror and removed the gauze – clear-pinkish liquid started to stream out. Oy. I called the doctor immediately. The nurse gets in at 9, so I’m waiting to find out what to do.
More plastic surgeon love
My plastic surgeon surprises me. I had heard many stories about his amazing skills yet lackluster bedside manner. There’s something about him that makes me believe that – I think he has the potential to be pompous and/or condescending. Yet, I haven’t seen it, and most of the time I think he’s simply adorable. He has been so nice to me; I really couldn’t be happier. My favorite thing about him is that he’s willing to correspond over email, and he usually gets back to me within only a few hours (even last night – a Sunday)! Here’s a conversation from last night:
> Hi Dr. Gimbel-
> I have a few concerns I forgot to ask about at my appt last week.
> 1) my son (who is about 27 pounds) likes to sit on my lap. He leans against my right breast usually although I try to get him to lean on my arm. Is there any harm to him leaning on my breast? Is the shape still malleable?
I THINK OCCASIONAL BRIEF RESTING AGAINST THE BREAST IS OK, BUT NOT LONGER
THAN 5-10 MIN. PRESSURE CAN AFFECT SHAPE
AND BLOOD SUPPLY EARLY
ON (for the next couple weeks).
> 2) my navel has been very sore since you removed whatever was stuffed in there – not excruciating but sore. That’s normal? Should I be doing anything special to clean in there?
It’s normal. No special cleaning needed, just showers. Wouldn’t poke anything in there.
> 3) is it ok to email you on occasion (I will not make it a habit) with a concern, or is it better to call and leave a message for you? Please let me know what you prefer.
Ok to email.
Keep up the good work!
MLG
Weight Loss
Yesterday I weighed myself. I am down 16 pounds. That is shocking. I mean, they did remove my breasts, but I’m pretty sure they kept all of my stomach tissue to then use to mold the new breasts. So that means, essentially, that my breasts themselves were 16 pounds (it’s possible I also just lost a few pounds in the hospital from not eating much, so maybe the breasts were only 13 or 14 pounds). This gives me even more reason to be glad they’re gone. Not only am I much happier with the number on the scale, but I’m hoping my new smaller boobs will mean less back pain and an easier time buying shirts.
This weight loss also has me worried though. The last thing I want to do now is gain any weight, and I’ve always fluctuated back and forth with weight. But my appetite has mostly returned, and for some reason everyone who comes over to our house is bringing baked goods! My kid is running around yelling “coo coo” (cookie) all day because that’s pretty much what we’re all eating all the time! The breast surgeon said my appetite might be lower because my stomach is a bit constricted right now. I think it’s managed to stretch itself back into place though. I am being good at meals – I’m eating small meals because I’m afraid of the discomfort of feeling full against this enormous incision around my abdomen. But there’s those cookies. I’m also not exercising other than walking back and forth across the house a few times a day. It’s going to be a while before I’m allowed back in the swimming pool, which is my preferred method of exercise. I find walking to be extremely boring (not to mention it’s freezing outside), but I suppose I’ll have to start doing that if I’m going to be eating all these freakin’ pastries!
Emotions and Buttons
I should also mention that I have been extremely emotional since the surgery, and not a day has gone by that I haven’t had some sort of crying breakdown about something. In the hospital it was usually about a headache or nausea, at home it’s been various movies that have set it off and little things hubs does or doesn’t do. I’m not typically a person who cries a lot – I take a nice array of anti-depressants that tend to allow me to deal with emotions sometimes a little too rationally. Sometimes I think I should cry more, so I think this might be good for me. But I think people out there considering this surgery should be prepared for an emotional roller-coaster. I think it’s probably to be expected of anyone who (1) loses their breasts (2) has this much surgery and (3) is fairly helpless for an extended period of time.
Also, have I mentioned that my belly-button is sore? There are images online that show how they move your belly button during free tissue flap surgery. Basically, they cut out all the tissue below and around your navel, your belly button stays put, then they pull the skin above it down to your crotch, sew it up where they’ve removed all the tissue, cut a hole where your navel was, and there’s your belly button. So it hasn’t moved, but it’s now attached to different skin. It’s creepy. Mine has been hurting since yesterday.
I also think one of my drain sites is healing strangely. It is hard as a rock – it feels like I could squeeze it and something would come out, but I’m terrified and surprisingly too grossed out to do that. I’m just going to ignore it unless it turns a funny color. But this is why I continue to be anxious about not seeing the doctor for another six weeks. I do see the breast surgeon on Tuesday though, so hopefully she can let me know if it looks normal to her. Maybe she can inspect my belly button too.
Some progress
Just like the doctors said, each day does get a little easier. In fact, I really do think this recovery is going to be much quicker than I thought. I’m not in much pain, although it still hurts to laugh or cough (mostly in my chest wall, which is where I feel the most sore, like I was punched in the sternum).
Although I can move around much easier, I still get exhausted quite quickly. This afternoon, I thought I could prepare lunch for my husband and son. I put some stuff in the oven, plated food, and brought it to the table. We ate and I did a bit of the cleanup. After, I went back to the couch and from there I did not move for about five more hours. I just couldn’t – I was so tired just from that little bit of activity.
I also still don’t have full range of motion in my arms, mostly because I feel pulling in my breasts if I reach to high over my head or too far behind me. Despite doctors orders, I have been lifting my son, but only if I’m already sitting. If I’m sitting and he’s standing, then I’m really only sliding him on to my lap. I know I’m not supposed to do this, but I sort of feel like I will die if I don’t. He has been much more affectionate toward me as the days have passed since I’ve been home, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.
Of course, I don’t want to pull a muscle in my chest either. I’ve been reading way too much about that sort of thing – pulled chest muscles needing surgical repair, open hip-hip incisions needing surgical repair, and breast necrosis needing surgical repair. I am terrified of these things, mostly because when I think back on the hospital, I feel completely traumatized. It wasn’t so terrible – I just don’t ever want to go through that again, and when I think about it, I start feeling nauseous and headachy all over again. I’m really thinking that unless my breasts are a total disaster, I might just skip the Phase II surgery. I’m not sure I want to ever go back under anesthesia unless it’s life or death.
Blogging BRCA 