Some progress

Just like the doctors said, each day does get a little easier. In fact, I really do think this recovery is going to be much quicker than I thought. I’m not in much pain, although it still hurts to laugh or cough (mostly in my chest wall, which is where I feel the most sore, like I was punched in the sternum).

Although I can move around much easier, I still get exhausted quite quickly. This afternoon, I thought I could prepare lunch for my husband and son. I put some stuff in the oven, plated food, and brought it to the table. We ate and I did a bit of the cleanup. After, I went back to the couch and from there I did not move for about five more hours. I just couldn’t – I was so tired just from that little bit of activity.

I also still don’t have full range of motion in my arms, mostly because I feel pulling in my breasts if I reach to high over my head or too far behind me. Despite doctors orders, I have been lifting my son, but only if I’m already sitting. If I’m sitting and he’s standing, then I’m really only sliding him on to my lap. I know I’m not supposed to do this, but I sort of feel like I will die if I don’t. He has been much more affectionate toward me as the days have passed since I’ve been home, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.

Of course, I don’t want to pull a muscle in my chest either. I’ve been reading way too much about that sort of thing – pulled chest muscles needing surgical repair, open hip-hip incisions needing surgical repair, and breast necrosis needing surgical repair. I am terrified of these things, mostly because when I think back on the hospital, I feel completely traumatized. It wasn’t so terrible – I just don’t ever want to go through that again, and when I think about it, I start feeling nauseous and headachy all over again. I’m really thinking that unless my breasts are a total disaster, I might just skip the Phase II surgery. I’m not sure I want to ever go back under anesthesia unless it’s life or death.



  1. What you write about not wanting to go under again chimes with my experience. I was under for 11 hours in mid-December and came out of anesthesia well. Despite coping well physically, I have noticed that I’ve developed a strong aversion to go under general anesthetic in future. But I have little choice. Two more short operations this spring. Both are day surgery, but in both cases they refuse to do the operations under anything but general anesthetic. It’s take me a while to accept this, I’ve agreed because I hope that once these two ops are done, I’ll be able to avoid further surgery – touch wood – for close to a decade

  2. Maybe I’m just too close to it. I might also change my tune once I see the ‘finished’ breasts – if they’re really a mess, I might go ahead with more surgery. Right now though, I feel like I have ptsd from the hospital! Good luck with your surgeries!

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