Baby Steps

Well, my plan to participate in errands this morning really backfired. I made it through the grocery store fine – probably about a half hour of walking. I made it to one end of Costco and back, but by the time we got to the checkout, I was done. My husband took care of everything and went to get the car while I sat on a bench in the cafe area. My back was killing me, my abdominal incision was pulling in every direction, and my breasts were sore. We did one quick trip to CVS; I couldn’t send my husband in because I wanted to pick out a certain type of gauze pads, so I had to walk around there a bit too. By the time we got home, I hobbled into bed and stayed there for about three hours. I tried to nap but couldn’t. Eventually, I came out to the couch where I just could not get into a comfortable position. No matter how I sat, my abdominal incision was so painful. I had planned to prepare dinner, but I let my husband do it. I ate and headed straight for bed.

Lesson learned. Baby steps. Walking from the bathroom to the bedroom is a huge difference from walking across a warehouse store! I should have known better. Now I’m in pain, I’m in bed instead of playing with my son (this is usually before-bed playtime and tv with mommy), and I’m overall feeling sorry for myself.

I posted a query to the FORCE message board to see if my lack of stamina seems normal. Here’s the conversation so far. As I said on the message board, my plastic surgeon made me feel like I should be more active. When I told him I’d stayed in bed all day to nurse that strained muscle earlier in the week, he said I need to be getting up and around. I do wonder if he assumes I’m lazy because I’m overweight; in fact I am a pretty active person. But it’s hard to know where the line is between pushing too hard and not doing enough. It sounds like these other women who are three weeks out are focused on resting.

What I probably need is more of a plan. I’m an obsessive planner, so if I had some sort of system that I used to gradually increase my activity level each day, that would probably help me. Maybe a pedometer would help, or just to keep track of time spent off my feet. I’m going to think some more on this.

Plateau

Today was rather uneventful. I suppose there is a time of plateau where things don’t seem to really change much – nothing gets worse, but nothing gets better either. I did a real scrub-down in the shower this morning, since this was the first shower I’ve had with no tape. I managed to remove most of the sticky spots. Unfortunately, I did have to put some more tape on. When the doctor removed the tape yesterday, a tiny spot underneath my left breast began to bleed just a bit. After my shower, it was still bleeding a bit, so I taped some more gauze there. This evening, I took the gauze off – still bleeding, so I taped on more gauze. It’s such a small spot and such a tiny bit of blood – he didn’t seem worried about it so I’m not either.

After my shower, I also put hydrocortisone cream on all of my drain sites. They’re incredibly itchy as they heal. To my delight, this worked! They didn’t itch all day!

The pain in my abdomen has been better; it’s easier to get up and around. I still feel something there, but it’s not as sharp as it was before. I do suspect I might be getting sick. My son has been sick for a week, coughing and sneezing all over me; my husband came home sick from work early this afternoon. This afternoon I felt as if I had a fever and I really didn’t move off of the couch because I just felt to drained. Tomorrow though, I’m hoping to accompany my husband and son on our weekly Saturday errands – Costco, grocery store, etc. I need to do some more moving around (couch to bathroom and bathroom to bed is not really as much exercise as I probably should be getting) and I need to get out of the house a bit too. Usually we do all of our shopping and then go out to lunch. I don’t know if I’ll be up for all of that, but it would be nice to try.

Back to the Doctor

Today I went back to see Dr. Gimbel. I’m really glad I did. Not only did he confirm that the painful spot in my abdomen was not a hernia (his dx was just a strained muscle from not getting out of bed correctly), he also removed all of the smelly tape! So, other than the binder, I am completely bandage/tape free. That means tomorrow I can do a real scrub down in the shower. He said that now that the tape is gone, I should stop wearing the enormous surgical bra and start wearing a bra that fits appropriately. There’s still swelling, so I won’t be this size forever, but he wants me to have support from an underwire and a band/cup that are more snug.

When I got home, I decided to try on one of my regular bras. I wasn’t surprised that the band width fit, but I was surprised that the cup fit. I really thought these boobs were half the size of my previous ones. The thing is, what I really have is like a double boob at this point. I have this nice molded new breast, sitting on top of a lot of extra skin and fat that’s still there. It’s hard to explain, but I told my husband I wouldn’t post anymore pictures of my boobs so readers will just have to imagine. So, with all the fat (mostly it’s under my arms) that’s still there, the bra cup did fit for the most part. I’m wondering if this extra fat can be removed during Phase II surgery, if I do decide to have it. It’s a bit uncomfortable having this side-boob resting under my arms; that might be swelling though. I don’t know.

Toward the late afternoon, I realized that the pain in my abdomen was actually much better. Perhaps it was from Dr Gimbel pushing on that spot; maybe it sort of massaged the muscle. Regardless, I now know that I have to get out of bed the way they taught me in PT, on my side with my arms, not sitting up using my core.

More abdominal pain

My abdominal pain is still pretty bad – no worse than yesterday but no better either. As long as I stay still (in bed or on the couch), I’m fine, but it’s making it very hard for me to walk. The area under the incision is very hard, hurts to touch, and is bulging a bit. I called the doctor this morning. The nurse said if it got worse to go to the ER. She also scheduled me for an appt with Dr Gimbel tomorrow. I’m just hoping to god it’s not a hernia. A hernia can be a complication with this surgery, and if it requires me to go back into surgery, I might just die. I know that sounds dramatic, but just the thought of going back to the hospital is making me tear up.

Have I Mentioned the Smell?

So obviously this much cutting and bandaging and dripping and such comes along with various odors. While I was in the hospital, all I smelled was the nurses and their perfumes and lotions, which made me rather ill, along with my own body odor (five days of no showering or deodorant), which honestly surprised me (“What is that smell” I said to my mom on day four, only to realize that it was ME!). Incisions and bandages shouldn’t smell bad unless there’s an infection, and I’m happy to say that I haven’t really smelled anything yucky since I’ve been home and showering every day – even the leaky spot on my abdominal incision does not have an odor.

Today though, when I took off my shirt at the doctor’s office, I did notice a smell – like a sweaty feet sort of smell but not quite as pungent. I had taken a shower and deodorized this morning, so I didn’t think it was me. But the longer I sat there un-shirted, the more I realized it was coming from my breasts. More specifically, it was coming from the tape under my breasts. The plastic surgeon used a lot of tape under my breasts to keep them sort of standing upward, and he said the tape needs to stay there until it comes off on its own – he says this is typical procedure in a breast reduction (it’s a sort of tape bra). I make sure to dry it well after I shower, but it’s still pretty itchy and apparently it’s still staying somewhat moist because it stinks! Even now as I sit here, I can smell it wafting up through the neckline in my pajamas.

I’m a bit unsure what to do about this. The smell makes me think there’s bacteria in the tape, which makes me think I should take it off. But I read a lot of people online who said they regretted taking the tape off too soon because it made their incision (the one going from nipple downward) open up or not heal as quickly. Although I could deal with the smell, the idea of bacteria in there makes me nervous. The tape is, for the most part, coming off on its own. I think I will try to make it through to the weekend and then perhaps cut off as much as I can – whatever’s not completely stuck to my skin.