So I’m definitely moody. I’m taking a little bit of this out on my mom. I’m taking a lot of it out on my husband. I guess I sort of feel like I should get a pass for a little while – like, I should get to act however I want and he should just take it for a few weeks until I get this figured out. Instead I feel like he’s baiting me (I know he’s not, but it feels like he is). Last week I got so mad at him that I texted him from our bedroom that he should not bother coming into it that night. He slept on the couch. This evening, he told me that I said something in a not-nice way, and boy did I lose my mind. But he is sleeping in the bed.
Yes, he asks how I’m feeling. Yes, he’s moving around the heavy boxes after I pack for them for our move. But you’d think he could do something nice for me. I bought myself a watch, for chrissake. I ordered my own chocolate-covered strawberries (my aunt sent me money and said to use it for chocolate, because apparently she knows how this goes). I’m not saying I want gifts. I don’t even want him to do more than he does already (although I would like it if he perhaps googled “hysterectomy” or “surgical menopause” so that he has some clue about what has happened to me). But I do want to be left alone. I don’t want to have arguments. And right now, he’s going to lose pretty much every one we have because I am irrational, and knowing it still isn’t helping me control it.
I see my shrink on Friday and a gynecologist who specializes in hormones next Wednesday. Hopefully one of them will have an idea of how to prevent my impending divorce.