Bowel-prep Prep

Today I bowel-prep for surgery tomorrow.  There’s really no actually need for this – it’s just in case of an emergency situation; were the doctor to knick my intestine or bowel or colon or other such part while performing the hysterectomy, it would be a lot easier for them to fix that situation if my bowel were clean.  So, clean it I shall.

Directions for Bowel-prep

Directions for Bowel-prep

As instructed, I went to Target yesterday where I purchased a 64ounce bottle of yellow Gatorade (which is now referred to as G-series and whatever number you happen to choose as part of your “workout”), a 8.3ounce bottle of Miralax, and some Dulcolax tablets.  I chilled the Gatorade over night as the directions explain most people prefer it that way.  I don’t prefer Gatorade at all – in fact, I think it’s pretty gross in any flavor/color.  But alas.

Other prepping involved moving a basket of magazines into the bathroom, making sure we have plenty of wipes in the bathroom as well, and charging my kindle and cell phone so that I can read and/or play Candy Crush Saga – you know, depending on my mood.  My BFF has also agreed to spend the day with me via phone call or even Facetime while I’m trapped in there!  She does love me.

This morning, I began to add the Miralax to the Gatorade, realizing that an 8.3 ounce bottle of powder was going to displace quite  a lot of the liquid (I, of course, realized this as the powder went in and the liquid poured out).  After figuring out the right proportions, I shook and shook the bottle, then put it back in the fridge.  I sat down to eat some breakfast – two cups of orange jello, shared with my two-year old son (how could I say no to him eating jello for breakfast if I was eating it for breakfast, even if it was on the couch with the TV on – ugh, bad mom, bad mom!).  I periodically returned to the fridge to shake the bottle – the last thing I want is to drink laxative sludge out of the bottom when, at that point, I’ll barely be getting the stuff down (I’ve read a lot of stories about vomiting half-way through).

At 10am, I sent my boys out for the morning and began to drink.  Even though the instructions said to start at noon, I’ve decided to start at 10am because I don’t want to be up all night doing this – I’m hoping this will all be over at a reasonable hour so I can catch up on Project Runway and hit the hay.

For scale - my ten-inch Macbook Air keyboard.

For scale – my ten-inch Macbook Air keyboard.

I won’t lie – I am extremely worried about this bowel cleanse, mostly that it won’t work.  I have a stomach of steel – very rarely does anything get me sick (at least, not in that direction).  I could see drinking this whole thing and then having nothing happen.  That also means I sent my boys away for nothing (or, that I could have gone with them to the Science Center!).  And that my prepping for this has been all for naught.  Because I’ve been trying to eat naturally/organically, this bottle of Gatorade makes me nauseous for more reasons than just its taste.  And, finding things to eat today (jello, broth, popsicles) that weren’t filled with corn syrup or other such goop, was nearly impossible.  I figure, after drinking that Barium smoothie a few days ago combined with whatever chemicals they’re going to pump me full of tomorrow, I’m screwed anyway, so a little corn syrup isn’t going to kill me – at least not today.

Twenty-four minutes in and I’d say I’m less than a quarter of the way through the bottle.  This is going to be a long two hours.   I’ll check-in again then!

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