As I’ve said, none of my regular pants fit me anymore. I have lost most of my abdomen, but I still have my wide ass and thighs, and I’m also poor, so new pants aren’t really an option for me right now. So here’s what I’m dealing with. When I put my pants on in the morning, they don’t look half bad. They rest on my hips, the abdominal area is nice and smooth, and I have a bit of my previous paunch that hangs over. You can see in this picture below what my jeans look like when I put them on.
It’s not terrible. In fact, it’s a huge improvement over my previous belly. Unfortunately, within about ten minutes of walking around, chasing my son, sitting in a chair, or doing any movement whatsoever, I look like this:
Notice my pants have completely sunk in front and my belly has popped out and over the waistband. Not only do I look like I’ve been guzzling a few too many down at the track, but I’ve managed to grow my very own male genitalia as well (nothing like Jon Hamm’s, but still noticeable). And this is with the granny panties holding in my belly!
Now, I don’t normally wear my shirt tucked in (I just did it for the sake of these pictures – aren’t you lucky?). But I do often wear a sweater that probably lands only an inch or so below my pants waistband, which means that at work, this is probably somewhat noticeable. Or at least it feels noticeable. Because really, I feel like this guy:
I’m sure it’s a combination of my body dysmorphic disorder, along with dealing with such a startling change to my body in such a short period of time, but I really do feel like I look like this. Even worse, it’s flat out uncomfortable. I don’t know how those beer guys do it – I can’t stand to feel my pants pinching tightly below my stomach like that. And, I’m constantly pulling up my pants, so even if the penis isn’t obvious, my grabbing at my pants every time I stand up definitely is.
Of course, the best way around this is to lose the gut. I don’t think any sort of pants in any size is really going to help this situation. Instead, I’m just going to have to give up my breakfast twelve-pack of Milwaukee’s Best in exchange for some low-fat granola.