This morning I was planning to call the doctor’s office to find out if I can use some Neosporin with pain relief for one of my drains – it really is so painful and I’m hoping he’ll let me use a little cream to maybe dull the sting.
Turns out now I have to call the doctor’s office. I just returned from my 5am visit to the bathroom, where I found blood along the waistline of my pajamas. Since I pull my pajama bottoms up over my binder and drains, the waistline basically sits under my breasts. So I knew the blood came from my right breast. Upon further examination, I could see that the incision under my breast (the one that goes straight down from my nipple area down to my chest wall) has opened up a bit. All day yesterday I had a feeling like something in that breast was pulling strangely. Every time I stood up, it felt like skin was separating. I chalked it up to the glue and threads from the stitches snagging on my pajamas, even though my gut was telling me it was something else. Well, turns out even though my gut is all mangled and deformed right now, I should still listen to it.
It’s a very small tear, so I’m not worried and I doubt the doctor will be too worried either. I suppose it could mean that there’s a worse sort of tear underneath that superficial one, but he will have to be the judge of that. I don’t suspect for a second that I’ll be back in surgery. I think he’ll probably just add some more glue or perhaps do a stitch or two. If I’m lucky, while I’m there maybe he can even fix this horrendous drain stitch.
In other news, I plan to go home to my own house today. I’ve been staying at my parent’s house, which has truly been wonderful. In the bible there is the immaculate conception; in sports there’s the immaculate reception; and in houses there’s the immaculate domestication – that’s my mom’s house. She is rather OCD so their house is always immaculate, and this has made me feel very safe here. I am somewhat OCD as well, but I’m much more of a surface organization person, and I’m not always so worried about deep-down clean. Also we have a toddler and a cat, so our house is just kind of yucky anyway (although people do always comment on how surprisingly clean it is considering the cat and the toddler). My parents also have a huge walk-in shower which has made it very easy to sit on a stool and take a shower; we will take the stool to our house but I have no idea how/if it’s going to work in our much smaller tub shower.
This also means that now I will have more interaction with my son, and I’m a bit nervous about this. He is a wonderful kid – almost always happy and with a bright personality. But, like all toddlers, he can be needy, demanding, whiney, and unaware of personal space (I’m not faulting him any of this, of course). I will be completely helpless in taking care of him at all at this point, when it still takes me a few minutes to stand up and I walk at a snail’s pace. So I know it’s going to be hard to listen to him whine or complain and not be able to do something about it. He does go to school from 8-5 every day, so that should still give me some time to relax and recover during the day; my husband will be with me today and tomorrow, and my mom will be with me on Thursday and Friday, since I’m still a bit worried about being alone.